For The Next Time You Love

For the next time you love…because you will love again.

The next time you love,

There is a chance you will break.

And there is a chance that you will break someone else.

There is a chance that when his lips kiss yours,

Your mind will be flooded with memories from the boy who kissed them last.

The boy who stole your kisses and abused your body.

The boy who taught you to hate your own lips,

Because they had once been close to his.

To hate my own heart,

Because I once gave it to him.

There is a chance that when you love again,

You will not trust.

You may share your life with more transparency than a window,

But trust for you may now be a shattered mirror.

And you may still reflect pieces of truth; pieces of you.

But you need to put your mirror back together,

Before you can truly trust someone with your whole reflection.

And this healing process cannot be done with a partner.

Because you are not a color by number piece of art.

And if you let another man pick up the pieces for you,

It is true that he can make you whole again,

And he can make you trust again.

But he can never make you,

You again.

He will put your pieces back in his own creative design.

Even something as pure as love,

Can leave you more discolored than ever.

And he will be acting out of love,

There is no doubt about that.

Because this new man will want to love you with all that he has.

He will desire so deeply to show you that not all men are the same,

And he will be right.

And he will be good.

And he will be everything you dreamed of on your darkest nights.

Yet even still,

He will not be able to recreate who you were.

Who you are.

There in only one being who knows the blueprints of your original design.

And that is the Creator of the universe.

Only God can take the fractured mess that is now your heart,

And piece it together exactly the way it would beat and trust when you were a child.

Only God can fill the cracks in your reflection.

Trust me,

Others will try.

But try your hardest not to let them.

Because I have,

I let a man try to put me back together.

I leaned on a man to try and remind me of who I used to be.

And in the process, I lost.

I lost control of my thoughts.

I lost my independence,

And once again I lost my heart.

And this time,

I’m afraid I lost his too.

Because the loss here comes with a higher price.

Loving after you have lost,

Is a two for one deal.

One decision now leaves two hearts broken and alone.

And suddenly the man who was putting you back together is gone,

And you are left with a remaining scar and now a fresh scab.

So where then is the healing?

Where is the mending of broken hearts and the putting back together of pieces?

Where do I go to find myself?

How can I let go of what I have loved for so long?

I am afraid that it would have been much easier to stay silent,

And let this man put me back together as he saw fit.

Because even though it might have been a false representation,

at least I would have reflected a complete image.

At least then I would still have a hand to hold, And a name to whisper softly in my sleep.

But then I consider love,

True love.

I consider our God in Heaven Who Is Love,

And I weep.

I weep because I know in the deepest caverns of my soul that I have been doing it all wrong.

Love has been staring me in the face for nineteen years now,

And I weep,

Because for the first time in my life,

I am staring back.

And I encourage you,

To shamelessly hold every broken piece of your past,

And stare back.

Because it is in His eyes that I am reminded of who I am,

And in His eyes I am reminded of who I am not.

I will no longer give my heart in pieces,

Because my heart has been entirely made whole.

I will no longer live in fear,

For I am a new creation in Christ.

A new creation,

Not by man,

But in Christ alone.

So to the man I may have lost in finding myself in Christ.

I will forever sing your praises,

Because you brought me to this place.

And I will forever pray that God will not leave you alone.

I will hope all the days of my life that you are somewhere in the world being loved,

And being cherished.

And so to any of you out there who are trying to find healing outside of Heaven,

I say only this,

Love slow.

Because truth takes time to reveal itself,

And if patience could save even one heart from breaking,

Than I would wish this heart to move in slow motion.